Archive for December, 2012

Tis the season… to indulge. My local newspaper listed ways for people to indulge with care during the holiday season without gaining weight. I’ll go over a few tips with you. 1: Don’t drink your calories. Why not? If you drink your calories then you won’t know or care if you gain weight. 2: Before going back for seconds wait 20 minutes and you might feel full and lose interest. Coming from a big family the rule was ‘you snooze, you loose.’ 3: To eat dessert, eat less at dinner and only the desserts you really want. As a person with a sweet tooth you want every single dessert. I’d be happy to skip dinner and eat just dessert. That’s wouldn’t be a problem for me.

What I have a problem with is the appetizers and finger foods. The fact that it’s called finger foods is an appropriate name because you know everybody and their mother fingers it before it gets to you. It’s like picking fruit. People pick up a peach; they feel it, rub it, squeeze it and put it back. Why, your local farmers market is a transporter for germs and disease.

Why, dipping your chip into a bowl of onion dip at an office party after someone double dipped is like reaching your hand into a bowl of unwrapped mints in a restaurant. Let’s give a collective YUCK. If you reach your hand into the bowl, why, you may just as well wash your hands in the toilet; which is where I’m sure your predecessor’s were.

At this time of year when you’re at a party and eating a finger food, stop and ask yourself certain questions. What was the hostess doing with her fingers when she made this? Did she finger scoop some dip in order to pre taste? Did she cut her finger in the preparation and cover it with tomato sauce so no one would notice the blood? Did she scratch herself…there? Did she pick her nose? Did she pick someone else’s nose?

These questions will cause you to give pause. You’ll eat less and you’ll gain less weight over the holiday season. You’re welcome.

Santa’s making a list and checking it twice. But, according to an article in USA Today which cited a Wal-Mart national holiday survey, it reported 80% of parents give their kids the same number of toys no matter what list they’re on. It said more kids will do stuff like clean their rooms and work harder in school because they believe they’ll get more toys being on the good list. Some would even eat spinach.

This is the time of year parents can play the Santa trump card to get their kids to behave. Sure, as a parent it’s easy to get carried away with your power and wield your trump card, manipulating your children to behave, but brush off those crumbs of doubt from your shoulder as all is right with the world. Having a trump card is like having unseen power which gives you the upper hand; which is all any parent wants. Really.

However, if all your children are on the good list, but Tommy got one present more than Eb, the peace and tranquility that resides in your house will be blown to bits.

An uneven distribution of Christmas gifts never mattered to Eb before this year, when he learned to count. Eb counted five presents for himself and six for Tommy, plus a dog. A dog? Eb couldn’t believe Tommy got the dog he asked for. Eb did everything and more to be on the nice list and his brother gets a dog? The way Eb looked at it he got screwed.  Eb’s heart shrunk three sizes that day. How else do you think he became known as Ebenezer Scrooge? Poor kid was on the nice list, just not the ‘favorites’ list.