I hate getting into the shower after my husband. I hate it because we have a removable shower head and it’s never where it’s supposed to be. One time I got in after him the shower head was facing the wall. I felt like I was in a hold up. I readjusted it. Another time it was directed at the shower curtain. I didn’t want to swing from the curtain so I readjusted the shower head. Finally, when I grew weary of always adjusting it I brought it to my husband’s attention. He asked, “Well, where would you like me to face it?” “Let’s see. Since I stand in the middle of the shower like millions of others, how about smack dab in the middle,” I replied. I could tell from his expression this was a revelation for him.

Sure we could take a shower together, but we tried that. It didn’t work. The reality of two people showering together is unlike the fantasy portrayed in the movies. In movies the guy washes the girl’s hair and they share the soap. In reality my husband refused to wash my hair and we used two bars of soap so we could save time and water. (Isn’t the point of showering together to save water?)

In the movies both people get wet and never fight over the water temperature. In reality only one person at a time gets wet and you fight over the water temperature. In movies nobody ever drops the soap. In reality one of you drops the soap. When you bend over to pick it up shampoo will run in your eyes and you will start groping blindly for the soap. You firmly grasp the soap with both hands. When your husband screams, “Ow,” you drop what you thought was the soap. “Sorry.” He accepts your apology and in a fetal position gets out of the shower. You both agree showering together is best left to the stars on the big screen.

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