Summertime is here and that means toasted buns. I’m not talking about hotdog or hamburger buns; I’m talking about human buns. When I was little I used to get toasted buns by going down a metal slide (before plastic ones.)

Now that I’m an adult my buns are toasted when I get in my car and sit on the hot leather seats which have been left to sit in the boiling sun for hours. When I remember I take a towel to sit on. On the days I don’t have a towel my unprotected skin meets the burning leather causing the skin to sizzle. One time the heat of the seat dissolved my self tanner, unaware, I walked around all day with two toned legs. Not pretty.

I hated going to my grandmother’s in the summer because she had no air conditioning and plastic slipcovers on all her furniture. I would sit in the living-room, on the couch and sweat. Do you know what happens to bare skin on hot slipcovers? It sticks! You stick and then you start to sweat. Trying to get up off a sticky slipcover is not easy and the slipcover becomes noisy under the movement. The noise is akin to whoopee cushion noises and was frowned upon by the adults who were ignoring me. They would take the time from their conversation to advise me to, “Knock it off.” and then go back to ignoring me.  They ignored me as twist and turned to peel my legs off the slipcover. They ignored me as I rocked back and forth trying to get momentum to haul my body forward to escape the grasp of plastic sweat. They ignored me till finally I broke free and slithered to the floor, covered in sweat and exhausted from the battle. They’d notice me and tell me, “What the hell’s wrong with you? Get up off the floor and sit on the couch.”

So, even though there are hot summer days when I curse my car seat I’m grateful it doesn’t come with a plastic slipcover.

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