My local newspaper reported that San Francisco lawmakers approved a ban on public nudity. Public nudity on most streets, sidewalks and public transportation is now banned. My husband has since crossed San Francisco off his list of places to visit before he dies.

I don’t know about you, but in order for me to sit on a subway seat that a nudist just vacated I’d need to first wipe it with 1,000 sanitary wipes, spray it with a can of Lysol and them place down a towel.

But, I do think when you meet a nudist, it eliminates the guessing game. What do I mean? Men know what I mean. The guessing game is when you meet someone for the first time and you guess how good or bad they look naked. But, when you meet a nudist, you instantly size them up and may realize they’re not as good looking naked as your imagination led you to believe. (You offer them a sweater.) Now you’re able to carry on an intelligent conversation while looking into their eyes.

Looking into a nudist eyes while talking is key. You can’t let swaying and jiggling body parts become a distraction. Sure, if you’re walking down the street and two nude men are walking in your direction, it’s only natural to compare and judge, conjuring up an image of a before-and-after advertisement. As an adult we have the power to exert more self control than a child has over wandering eyes.

If an innocent, distracted child is walking down the street and bumps into a nudist they may develop a sudden interest in human anatomy. If a knee-high toddler is walking down the street and bumps into a nudist, he’ll look up and will be eye-to-eye with the one-eyed-snake. Poor kid; he’ll be scarred for life.

 

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