Wrangler has a new line of jeans – ‘denim spa jeans.’ They claim the jeans moisturize as they’re infused with aloe. Testing was done on women who wore the jeans 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, straight. Wow! The jeans might be expensive, but think of all the money saved not doing laundry. The ingredients are reported to evaporate in two weeks, at which time you can buy a “reload spray.”

I wonder if moisturizing jeans makes it easier for one to get them on, or if they might still have to wiggle into them. I also wonder if these jeans help to prevent chaffed thighs as now the skin that rubs together is well lubricated.

What concerns me is the girl who wears the jeans for the first time, on a blind date. The girls is pleased with the way her butt looks in them and the fact her legs feel silky smooth.

She’s optimistic about the date as her google search revealed her prospective partner to be handsome and having a great credit score (noted in previous blog.)

Looking out the window, she’s thrilled to see him pull up in a fancy sports car and gets goose bumps on her arms. She thinks she has goose bumps on her legs, but can’t be sure as they’re heavily lubricated.

They decide to take a ride along the coast before dinner. In the car, with the sun beating down on her, her legs start to sweat. When she request for the air conditioner to be turned on he informs her he didn’t get a good credit score by squandering money on frivolous stuff. So she sits with a fake smile frozen into place.

Much to her chagrin she realizes that due to the extreme heat the moisturizer in her jeans is melting and mingling with the sweat from her thighs. This liquid concoction is now flowing at a rapid pace into the crotch of her jeans, causing itchiness. She tries to discreetly scratch by rubbing her thighs together, making matters worse. When they get to the restaurant, she runs to the bathroom. She pulls down her jeans and notices her legs are red and covered in hives. She’s allergic! She realizes her edible underwear has become liquefied due to the pooling of sweat and moisturizer.

She runs past her date, flees the restaurant and calls for an air conditioner cab to take her home. Good credit aside, the guy wasn’t worth it.

That night she bid farewell to her moisturizing jeans and hello to an anti-itch cream for her hives. Her memories of the night fade slowly away, much like the warts.

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