Do you have dry skin? Can you write the word “dry” using your fingernail on your leg? The question is not do you need lotion, it’s what kind of lotion? Do you buy bottled lotion with or without a pump? I never buy a pump because when you get to the bottom you can’t stand it upside down to drain every drop. When ketchup gets low I turn it upside down on the refrigerator door and every time you open the door it falls, so you stand it back up. I know I’m not the only person to do this.

I have a bottle of lotion upside down on my night table. It’s held up by a tissue box, alarm clock and another half-full lotion bottle. At night when I reach for my water (blind without my glasses) if I accidentally bump into any of these items in my house of cards, there’s a lot of clatter and then a thud. That thud is the lotion – it has fallen.

When I was younger I would apply lotion to combat the ever lingering smell of Nair on my freshly shaven legs. As I’ve aged I apply it to more places such as elbows. I never want anybody to look at my elbows and see a frowning face staring back at them.

When I go on a trip I use whatever the hotel provides. Luckily we don’t vacation for more than a week as the travel size bottles wouldn’t last. I’ve never been to a hotel that has lotion with a pump. You know why? Pumps don’t come that small. Imagine such a teeny tiny pump, the size of your thumbnail, to fit in such a small bottle.

You’d probably find one for a Barbie house where everything is cute, small or like Barbie herself… perky.  I suspect the gal has never used lotion in all her 50 plus years. Since she hasn’t had to worry about cracked heels or turkey neck she will forever be cute, perky and minus an upside bottle of lotion bedside.

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