There’s an App for that

USA Today ran a piece about a new smartphone app in Iceland called “App of Icelanders.”  In a country where most people are related the app lets you know if you should pour water on the flames of passion that erupted for the person you just met. The slogan is “Bump the app before you bump in bed.” This app can prevent granny, who’s a cougar, from actively pursuing the pizza delivery boy, who as it turns out is her long, lost grandson. Eew!

Granny should look for hot and spicy from the pizza, not the pizza delivery boy.  She should be doing what is the universal right of all grandmothers – pinching her grandchildren’s cheeks. We’ve all had grandparents or some relative that love to pinch cheeks. Some do one at a time and some do both simultaneously. Some pinch and shake so hard causing whiplash.

Every child has a relative they don’t want to hug. “Come give Auntie Bess a big hug.” “No, I don’t want to,” gets you reprimanded and a shove toward aunt Bess. Reasons for not wanting to kiss her are endless: she smells, she slobbers all over my ear, she leaves lipstick on my cheek, and she gives cheap birthday gifts.  It’s a laundry list of justified excuses.

This is why shaking someone’s hand should suffice for a proper greeting. There are several types of handshakes: the one shake, the shake-and-pump, the two handed shake (one hand does the shaking and the other cups both hands), the limp shake and the pat on the back while shaking shake. If everybody shook hands we wouldn’t need to worry why Granny gets pizza delivered twice a day, every day.

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