You Can Have It

My husband came home with a box of donuts. He told me, “You could have the jelly,” since that’s my favorite and there was only one. I thanked him and told him I would eat it later. The next morning I walked into the kitchen and saw him eating the jelly donut. “Why are you eating my jelly donut?” I asked. “You said you would eat it and you didn’t; so I’m eating it,” he said shoving jelly into his mouth. “I said that less than twelve hours ago. I didn’t know when you offered it to me I had a time limit. I planned on eating it for breakfast, just like you’re doing.” “Oh, I saw it sitting there and thought you changed your mind.” “No, I didn’t change my mind. Next time you offer me something I’ll inquire about the expiration date. “ “Would it make you feel better if I let you eat the blob of jelly that fell onto my plate? It’s yours. You can have it.” “And, if I say ‘Yes,’ how long do I have before I must eat it – ten, twenty or thirty seconds?” “No time limit.” Yeah, right, I think to myself.  I’ve learned when my husband says, “You can have it,’ it means get it before time’s up. When other people say,
“You can have it,” it means something entirely different.

Have you ever helped a friend who’s moving sort through her belongings? You’re in her attic and find a pair of skis. “I didn’t know you skied,” you tell your friend. “I tried it once, when I dated Roy. I broke my leg when I hit the tree. Luckily I was able to hold onto the tree when the avalanche happened. I never skied or saw Roy again after that. He fell in love with the girl who rescued him from being buried six feet under. Good riddance. I forgot I had those skis. Anyway you can have them.  If you don’t want them I’ll just throw them out. It’s you or the garbage.” What do you say to such an offer other than, “Thank

Have you ever helped a friend looking to wear the perfect outfit for a date sort through her clothes? As you rummage through her organized closet – short sleeve blouses  together, long sleeve blouses together and color coordinated – yellows with yellows and blues with blues. When you realize her colored skirts are organized according to the days of the week – such as magenta for Monday and turquoise for Tuesday, you conclude your friend’s organizational method may border a bit on the anal side and she makes way more money than you.

Anyway as you breeze through her summer collection over to the winter collection you stop at a blouse in the fall department. It’s fall because of the ¾ sleeves. “I’ve never seen you wear this before. It’s beautiful,” you tell your friend. “If you like it, you can have it. It doesn’t go with anything from my fall collection. I don’t know why I bought it and held onto it all these years. I hope there are no moth holes in it. So, if you want it, it’s yours. It’s you or the garbage.” What do you say to an offer that makes you feel special other than, Thank you?”

With offers such as these I recognize that no time or effort went into them and accept them for what they are – people trying to get rid of junk. When I get an offer from my husband I recognize it comes with a time limit and I must move fast. I’ve accepted the fact no offer’s perfect.

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