Butterball, The nation’s largest turkey producer, has announced there’s a shortage of fresh, large whole turkeys – 16 lbs. and greater this year. The company explained that they are ‘continuing to evaluate why they experienced a decline in weight gain on some of their farms.’ I’ve got a theory – maybe, just maybe, the turkeys smarten up and purposely didn’t eat much to gain weight so they could be killed and eaten by someone on Thanksgiving. I bet Tommy turkey was hip to the farmer who told him he would return his mother after he took her to be weighed. Tommy lost friends and family who went to weigh in and never returned. So, this year when Tommy reached 15 pounds, he cut calories. He cut carbs and the mayo from his ham (never turkey) sandwich. He spread the word and soon all turkeys were pecking at their food rather than gobbling it up. (Pun intended) This is my theory.

I eat and enjoy turkey on thanksgiving, but I enjoy the leftovers made from it better. What I like as much as the dinner is apple pie for dessert. Apple pie is as traditional as the turkey. I eat my pie heated, with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, on the side. I slide my homemade, store bought pie, straight from the box, into the oven to heat. I’ll be adventurous and eat plain apple pie, Dutch apple or apple crumb, with the vanilla ice cream. It has to vanilla and not some weird flavor like orange macadamia nut to go with the pie. This is not the time for experimentation. It’s time for tradition.

So, this Thanksgiving when you’re eating hot dogs (because of the turkey shortage) be grateful for the apple pie. Everybody loves apple pie. Unfortunately, so did Tommy’s mother, which is why she weighed twenty pounds and wound up stuffed with apple sausage stuffing as someone’s holiday feast.

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