This morning on my local news during a ‘Crafts for Christmas’ piece a lady was decorating a candy cane to look like a reindeer; ah, the abuse. Candy canes are in abundance this time of year.

Basically, a candy cane is a lollipop without a stick, which always gets messy. When sucking a lollipop or cane it’s inevitable that some drool will drip down. Don’t deny it! It happens! When it happens your fingers become messy and sticky. At least with a lollipop the stick makes things a little less sticky. This is why it’s not a good idea to suck on a candy cane at work; a big one can last all day.

You arrive at work sucking a candy cane to help soothe your sore throat. You suck loudly during the staff meeting and annoy your boss. When you stand to make your presentation you inadvertently place your sticky, germ riddled sucker on your co- worker’s lap-top. Your co-worker mentally scratches you off his Christmas card list and starts surfing for curses to place on you.

You’re still sucking away when a new client arrives to hear your presentation for their exciting new product. When the client shakes your hand and pats your back, you respond in kind. You pat the back of his cheap, wool coat several times. When you pull away you notice wool on your hand (tinged with red) and red stains on the back of his cheap coat. You lose the account, but get a $200 dry cleaning bill for his coat. Your boss gives you a pink slip and a candy cane and makes a mental note to return the Christmas gift he and your mother you. Security tosses you out the door and you land at the feet of a bell ringer who asks you for a donation. You give her your candy cane as you’ve vowed to give them up. It’s a sad story.

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