Beard implants are the new men’s trend. For $2,000 – $6,000 men who can’t grow facial hair can pay to have it implanted. This is great when you’re young and have a full head of hair, but what happens as you age and the hair on your head starts to thin; you’ll be left with nothing but a beard.  You’ll be like the guy who’s partially bald with a ponytail. It’s not pretty.

With beards and mustaches come grooming etiquette and the lack thereof. There’s always that one guy with the crumb in his mustache or beard.  You’re fixated on the mustard covered crumb that’s just dangling and holding on for dear life. Crumbs will always have a home with the man who doesn’t groom. Why, when Christmas is over Santa keeps his elves on fulltime just to groom his beard.

What happens to the man who gets implants and years later gets tired of his beard and wants it gone? He can’t shave it. Beard implants, unlike fashion trends cannot be changed or discarded over time. It’s permanent and permanent becomes history. A man won’t be able to wax, pluck or laser it away like women do with unwanted hair.

I find it ironic that men would pay to have facial hair and women pay to have facial hair removed. It’s not fair. And yet, there’s a billion dollar industry built on women devoted to having facial hair removed. Since women don’t want a uni-brow we wax and pluck. We learn beauty is pain the first time we wax. Since we don’t want strangers picking crumbs from our mustache we wax. Since we don’t want to braid our armpit hair we wax. Since we don’t want people to think we’re wearing pants when it’s leg hair, we wax. We all wax. When we enter menopause we’ll wax – more, except for the bearded lady in the circus, she never waxes.  I think has the right idea.

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