As I watched her walk by our table I said to my husband, “Get a look at her outfit. It looks like an artist palette blew up on it. I wonder what she was thinking when she bought it.” “Probably the same thing you thought when you bought it,” he replied and popped a french fry in his mouth. Puzzled, I asked, “What are you talking about?” My french fry froze midway to my mouth when he replied, “You have the exact outfit at home.” I devoured my french fry in quick, angry bites as I realized he was right. Angry with the realization he would allow me to wear such a hideous outfit I demanded he tell me why he didn’t say anything when I bought it.
“I wasn’t with you when you bought it.”
“Well, when I got home and tried it on why didn’t you tell me I looked awful in it?”
“I thought you knew. Besides you seemed so happy.”
“You thought I intentionally bought a hideous outfit?”
“Yes.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Because you’re always telling me I have no taste in clothes and that’s why it’s imperative you buy my clothes. Remember?”
“Oh. Shut up and eat your french fries. When I ask for your honest opinion I expect you to give it to me.”
“No you don’t.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Remember when we first got married and went to the beach and you asked for my honest opinion of the bikini-clad girl who walked by?”
“Yes. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Well, thanks to your physical reaction I haven’t walked upright since. Since I’m fond of all my bits-n- pieces I haven’t given you my honest opinion in over 25 years. It works for us.”
“Then it’s time we turn over a new leaf and be totally honest with each other. I’ve matured. I’ll be able to handle the truth. Ready?”
“Oh, this isn’t going to end well.”
“So, now that we’re being honest… that orange and black striped blouse I…”
“Made you look like a bumblebee; a cute bumblebee, but a bumblebee nonetheless.”
“What about the low-cut blouse?”
“I loved it. Honestly”
“What about the color?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care. Just loved how low-cut it was. Honestly.”
“What about the earrings I wore with it?”
“Earrings? You wore earrings? Honestly, I never noticed. Did I tell you how much I loved the blouse?”
“Certainly you must have liked the plaid, button shirt I bought you.”
“Nope, I hated it. It’s still in my closet, in the wrapper.”
“Oh.”
“I must say I had no idea honesty could be so refreshing and liberating. While we’re at it that purple and green dress you bought was a major mistake. And that Christmas sweater… I wonder what in the world were you thinking when you bought it.”
“Before I separate you from your bits-n-pieces why don’t you cram the honesty and the french fries in your mouth?”
“I told you this wouldn’t end well.”
Honesty, don’t believe the hype.
