An article in USA Today reported that bathrooms have overtaken kitchens as the top remodeling job. More homeowners are going high-tech with the following options: mirrors that double as flat TV screens, toilets dubbed iPoos with automatic bidet-like cleaning, heated seats, built-in speakers and smartphone docking stations; all this to make one’s time in the bathroom more enjoyable.

I’m not a person who goes to the bathroom for a mini retreat. May be it’s because I grew up in a house with six people and one bathroom. Dawdling was not an option. Rarely were you able to go about your business and not have someone bang on the door for you to, “Cut it short and get out. Others are waiting.” When you’re little and going # 2 and an adult commands you to ‘cut it short,’ you look down and panic. Is it even possible? I didn’t bring scissors.

When I had kids I had to lock the bathroom door to keep them out. To make sure I wouldn’t forget them during my time inside they would slide books and notes under the door. My son drew a picture of himself crying because he missed me. Who knew when you had kids that even going to the bathroom could become a guilt trip?

Some people live by the motto ‘when you gotta go, you gotta go,’ no matter where; even if it’s a public swimming pool. Now that people are flocking to pools to stay cool, you can bet public urination will be going on all over the place (even in your pool.) This is the time of year when the most personal of all personal acts goes public. It’s like watching a bird flying and pooping on someone’s head. Adults and children are peeing in your local pools and beaches.

Just imagine a shark coming in for the kill on some clueless kid. I do believe a shark is enough to make any kid ‘cut it short’ and get the hell out of there.


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